With Saving Sabrina going into it's second round of editing, I find myself consumed with a new story. Twenty One Years is the story of three women - Lily, her mother Ellie and her stepmother Veronica. And because nothing seems to come easy to me, I am formatting the book into three individual stories, beginning with Ellie's, then Veronica and finally Lily tells us what to make of it all. In my head, it is really fucking good. On paper, not so much.

It's not that the idea isn't sound, but I'm having difficulty focusing on one character when the other two won't stop talking in my head. I sat for a couple of days and tried to write Ellie's tale, but Veronica keeps whispering her secrets to me. I'm afraid if I don't scribe them, I will lose them forever. All of it makes if very difficult to concentrate.

For example, last night I was writing very productively on a narrative for Ellie. I got to a section where I was describing her desire for a cigarette. At the same time, Lily was in the back corner of my mind, thinking of her mother from the stale scent of cigarette smoke. Of course the imagery and words flowed like water - until Ellie's demands for attention were too strong to ignore. Fortunately Veronica was scheming out of earshot or I would have been overwhelmed and lost it all.

Obviously my biggest problems are chunks of work hours invading my precious "thinking" time. That and then near impossibility of getting any time alone in this house, let alone on the computer. I have my heart set on a Dell Netbook, but at $360 it is not going to be living with me any time soon. Not that the netbook will cure my privacy issues, but at least I'll have more options.

Mostly, I just really wish I could box away Veronica and Lily until Ellie has told her story. That would be ideal. But separating any of the women would be detrimental to the whole tale as each is directly effected by the other. And in the end, if Lily isn't subjected to the achievements and failures of her mothers, she will never be the strong willed protagonist I foresee her to be.

I should really add here how proud I am of myself for this story line. (No, I'm not narcissistic. I'm just reminding myself for later that this really is a good idea and I shouldn't abandon it when it gets tough.) I never really thought my mind capable of a literary work. I always figured I would need a gimmick to tell a compelling story, be it supernatural or alien derived. I always figured stories like Twenty One Years to be reserved for those who have literary backgrounds and training. But honestly it is less about our knowledge of academia that provide us with great works of fiction and more the desires of our hearts and mind to convey a feeling of truth and triumph, even when neither actually exist in the work itself.

Perhaps I should sit the three women down for a civilized tea and explain my dilemma. Who knows, maybe they will decide to take turns from now on. After all, the mind is an enigma.

Wow, so Fringe is officially my new fave show!!
( Fringe & House LOVE - and spoilers )

In other news, I am deeply saddened that I have depleted my entertainment budget. Choke is being released this weekend and I have been looking forward to it since sometime this spring when B said, "Hey watch this" and showed me the trailer
( here )
and I immediately watched it again and again and again.    The newest theatrical inspiration from my secret lover, Chuck Palahniuk, it is sure to be as wicked awesome as Fight Club, without all the pesky rules.

Anyway, I am super glad that new TV is back on and I am looking forward to a new wonderful Bones tomorrow night.   Yeah!!